Category: Elder Folk
Hi all,
thought it was time to post again, would hate to see jay take this board away from lack of use, so at the risk of this being just a nothing sort of post, mostly to keep the board from dying and going away, how much do you think age matters on the net? interacting with them i mean, I mean us older folk and younger folk. I was told on epals that age doesn't matter on the net. well, not sure that I believe that. they're on a different wavelength it seems, and mostly we don't have much in common. it doesn't seem strange for a younger person to come in a chat room where there are only older people and they're the youngest, but it seems a bit strange and awkward for an older person to be in a room where everyone else is in their teens or 20's. I feel positively weird and strange being in there.I can be in a room where there are people of all ages, as long as there are people my age or older I can relate to. I wonder if how good you are at conversing with people way younger than you has to do with having had children and grand children. My mom is good at talking to people from age 8 to 80, where I on the other hand, am not, and as a result, there are a lot of conversational lags, though some 20ish folk are easier to talk to than some older people, most of the time, it can be difficult at best. So, what say you? does age gaps matter any less on the net than in person?
wonderwoman
I heard the same thing from e pals! I do much better talking to people who are close in age or older than me! But I can talk to people younger than me! Caus I have 4 neices!
thats good salina fan, having nieces has given you a lot of practice talking to people way way younger than you. when Ibrought this topic up on e pals, a certain individual told me that if there were a board for older people, i'd be on it by myself, and I don't remember who told me age doesn't matter on the net, but this other individual said, lie is too short for all this isn't it? too short to bring up a topic? oh well, to me, lofe is too short to keep something inside if it wants to come out.
wonderwoman
fv
Personally, I think its kinda hard to talk about a situation like this and be really general. Having said that, I'm gonna try. I think the more experience you have dealing with younger people in person, the easier it is to talk to them in the absence of face-to-face contact. I also find some younger people somewhat intollerant of older people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it matters on an individual basis. I've always found it helpful to just listen sometimes to really try and understand where the other person is coming from, and to withhold my comments. Its way harder growing up now than it was when I was younger, and I try to listen to younger people with that in mind.
Don't know how much sense this made, but I hope it helps.
Lou
thanks for your comments lou, I think it's probably easier to talk to teenage girls than it is teenage boys, mostly because I was a teenage girl a long long time ago. I'm not sure if it's a matter of understanding where they're coming from, I mean with me, but more or less how well our personalities connect. the right kind of younger folk remind me and take me back to a t ime when i was young once, but then there are some who when trying to talk to them just makes me feel old. I've talked to some where the age gap doesn't matter, but there are some where it matters a bit more. I had a 16 year old boy on my skype and messenger lists, then had to remove him, because it just wasn't working out. if someone isn't offensive, I hate to be the first one to remove them, but rather, I sort of hope they will become less interested in me, and decide to remove me. since it didn't appear as though that were going to happen, I decided to remove him. I'm not saying I haven't had to remove people in my age range from my messenger lists, I'm just sayingthe age gap was too great. he'd call me, and then he'd just grow silent, and a large part of the time, he'd start listening to music, but try to keep me holding on instead of just telling me he had to go. I'd say, well i'm going to let you go now, then he'd just start saying something more or less to keep me from hanging up, then, I'd find myself in a conference with several others his age, and you know how it is, the boyus start rough housing and stuff, and thats just not my thing. I've tokld him and iothers, if you want to multitask, and can't really hold a conversation, just tell me you have to go, and let me go, don't just keep me waiting and wondering, are we finished or not? either concedntrate on me, or end it. once i got an msn mesage and that was my excuse to end the call and go. Well, a few hours later, he called me back and asked, "so, is that what you were doiong the whole time? I just thought it was very strange for a boy that young to want to follow a 48 year old woman around that much. well, there's my thoughts on it, hope that makes sense.
wonderwoman
Thank you Wonderwoman yes having neices has helped me! Lou I enjoyed reading your post! I found it very informative! Getting back to you Wonderwoman, I've removed people who have been offensive or even thougs who just didn't want to talk!
Thanks salina fan,
I think with programs like skype, it's more about the program and how cool it is than it is about people. Those people just add and add and add, not really thinking much about the people they're adding, but just adding for addings' sake, so they can say, I have 150contacts, or 300 as the case my be on skype, since I was told you could have 300 people on your contact list. I will never, ever ever have to worry about getting my contact lists filled up, because there aren't 150 people on the entire face of th eearth I will have things in common with, or who I will be compatible with. wonderwoman
Wonderwoman, I know something about teenage boys, and we can be ve3ry zomby-like. AAs an adult male, I agree, they can be more frustrating than teenage girls to talk to. Music is something that is very distracting. On a sidenote, I abhore calling someone, and their cellphone rings, and rather than a message, I hear a song. I'd rather know that I've reached the party I want, and that they can't/won't come to the phone. This morning, I heard on the radio as I was getting ready for work, they were going to have someone talk about "digital ettiquite." That's a subject I'd like to see addressed by Ms. Manners, but I don't know it'll ever happen. Sorry for the digression.
Lou
Thank you Wonderwoman now I know why so many people like to add me to Skype! I was wondering why that happens to me!
Hi midifaded and salina fan,
I know i could get my messenger and skype lists filled up very quickly, If I didn't mind adding bunches of men from pakistan and india who are looking for something else other than chat, or lots and lots of teens, mostly boys, who believe in having at least 100 people in a conference, heavy multitaskers who give you time to go get a coke, make a sandwich, and still leave you twiddling your thumbs wondering if they're coming back to you, and then mostly saying only a couple of words. Well, lou, since a show on skype and messenger ettiquette doesn't seem forth coming, maybe I'll post a message on the lets talk board giving my nettiquette tips, since thats where it will be most likely to be read. Hmm, should i put it on the lets talk board or the rant board? well,since i haven't been messaged very much on messenger lately, well not at all, when i have it open, and since I took 2 people off my skype and messenger lists, think i'll just put it on lets talk, but if one of the things i mentioned had just happened to me, i'd put it on the rant board.
wonderwoman
I know when I first got MSN Messenger years ago, I added just about anyone I vaguely was acquainted with. Problem: then these people want to talk to you but they also want you to hold up the conversation when they actually were the ones to start it. Silly humans! So now I only ad people I know are my friends and even then I very rarely use the thing unless I need to actually talk to somebody. This is also why I don't even ahve private Quicknotes on because people seem to only wnat to private quicknote me just to go Hi at me and nothing more, and I think these are usually newbies who think they ahve to say hi to somebody just because they log in.
so true, some that pm me can be the same way, but it doesn't bother me as much on pm's as it does quick notes, probably becauseit's not live, and I just feel like since noone is necessarily there all the time with pm's, noone has to be online to receive a pm. I think most people prefer quicknotes to pm's because they just automatically assume the person they qned is just going to sit there indeffinitely and wait on them to respond, where with private messages, they know they aren't going to, so it may be as long as 2 days or more before the person receiving the qn logs in to respond. I, like you added anyone who put their msn messenger contact out there, because it was new, and it was so neat that you could have your own private group without having to go in rooms to find people, but the trouble is, its hard to get out of adding someone gracdfully, and i always assume they really want to talk to me if they ask if they can add me, but I keep telling myself, forget graceful, I'm just going to be honest but polite as i can and say, "well, I don't think you and i have anything much in common, and I only add people i have things in common with. or like i told someone who feels the same way I do, I could make it clear to the person that if he messages me, he has to concedntrate on me and only me, or let me know he has to go. that will ensure my skype and messenger contacts stay very low. sure, I won't be on it nearly as often, because I won't ever have enough to stay logged in to skype and messenger all the time. I won't have quantity, but I'll have quality.
wonderwoman
I don't think this is a nothing post at all. In fact, I think it's very interesting. I think talkingt to younger people on the net is harder than in person. Still, once you establish a relationship, you soon learn whether they'll respond to you all the time, or if you'll just talk occasionally. One thing about it, you can sure learn how to relate to your own young adult kids. Or, at least I can. Have you ever thought about how it would be to live in this present time in your twenties or thirties, and be raising your kids? It's kind of off the subject, but this just made me think what it would be like.
I can mostly chat to anyone except rude people. Actually chatting to younger people makes me feel young sometimes. and boy, do they know their computer stuff! Of course there topics I know nothing about so I wait till the discussion changes. Smile B
hi dreamlady and brian33,
I think it depends on how outgoing and younger person is, such as if he or she is energetic and jolly without being too hyper. if they're overly hyper, it makes me a bit nervy and a little on edge.
if they're the type who barely talk,expecting me to carry on most of the conversation, maybe occasionally putting in a yeah, or maybe 2 or 3 words now and then, time seems to drag, and before long i'm looking for an excuse to exit. I think raising children now would be very difficult. I think it's good for people who have small children to be able to talk to people a lot younger, because it gives them good practice for when their teens reach their teenage years. after all, those who have kids and grandchildren must be able to communicate and talk to them. I knewfrom a very early age I didn't want to marry and have kids.I sometimes would rather not ask for computer or programs help from people who are much younger than I am, but what can i do? most older people, the people I'd be more comfortable seeking help from don't know anymore about computers than I do. I'd almost decided I wouldn't post on the zone anymore, until I got a response from one of my topics and was notified by email, then I remembered this board. I just won't post on the lets talk or the rant boards anymore. I've pretty much gone over to the realm and started posting there. I'm glad this topic got revived.
wondeerwoman
I don't know how I missed this topic. It's a really good question. Thanks for starting it WW.
The zone is my main area for communicating with people of all ages. In real life most of my friends are mainly my age, or they are my kids or friends of my kids.
But, here on the zone I find that age is not the problem I thought it would be.
When I signed up I considered hiding my age because I felt that others might not want to talk to someone as old as me. That has not been the case. Most of the people on here are really very nice.
Occasionally, I'll get a pm from a school aged girl who obviously has not read my profile. Then I have to be so oh very careful not to leave any impression of a sexual nature. So far, it's worked out fine.
I do get a bit upset when someone calls me sir, as I realize they are aware of my age and making allowances (I prefer to think they are showing respect). But, I also realize that's my own hang up, not theirs. <lol>, and I do appreciate the respect.
As I post a lot on the boards (almost as much as wonder woman and lou <grin>) I have to keep in mind that I really have no business posting in the teen topics. I've done it once or twice before I noticed the board.
Occasionally, I'll come up against a situation where I can tell that a poster has more vinegar than experience, and I have to let it go because wisdom will come in time.
Generally, I don't turn on publics because I get really tired of convoluted conversations where you spend most of your time saying hello and hugging, or trying to figure out who is answering whose question.
Anyway, thanks for posting this topic Wonder Woman. Sorry for the stream of consciousness response.
Bob
Hi bob,
I'd much rather talk to older people in quick notes, because they are less likely to message me and then be multitasking. I do so hate it when someone qn's me or messages me or skypes me, then, when i get in a conversation with them, they're so busy talking to other people or what ever else they're doing, they take 5 to ten minutes to respond, then when they do, they just say a one liner like, yeah, or, yeah right. I hate that. I think they make sure they're multitasking when they message someone, so that if they get bored talking to that person, they'll have someone or something to fall back on. but I'm generaly not doing anything while i'm talking to them, so they don't stop to think how boring it is waiting for minutes on end for them to respond to me. as for not telling your age, well, thats up to the individual I think, but I do't want to mislead anyone in to thinking i'm much younger than i am, thinking they're talking to another teen or 20 something, then finding out they're talking to someone older than they thought. not that I'[m saying you are, but to hide ones age for fear that people way younger than you won't talk to you, seems sort of desperate. anyway the age thing wasn't really th ereason I stopped posting on here, though i don't think there are anyone in their early teens on the realm. so I don't have any quicknotes on at all, public or private. the publics for obvious reasons, and the private ones for the reasons i stated above. I still wish they'd have a feature where you could choose who to put on your quicknote list, like the one where you can chose who to ignore. their reason for not doing so seems a wee bit silly, that it would prioritize th ezone and make it cliquish, as if it isn't that already. if people want to be cliquish, they will find a way to be. they could just as easily put those whom aren't part oftheir inner circle on ignore. Unless a feature like that isn't put in place, you won't see me using quick notes any time soon. if anyone has anything to say to me, they can just pm me.
wonderwoman
Experience indicates that your calendar age matters less on the net than it does in person. And that your behavioral age matters more on the net than it does in person.
On the net, people don't get much of the information they need to determine your age. Conversely, text-based communication, I think, requires more effort than does in-person communication to get across what you're really trying to say.
As part of my work building accessible computer games, I frequent audio game forums. Some very young developers behave like adults. Some adults behave like children. The former generally get treated better than you would expect adults to treat kids. The latter, well...
So if you are optimistic, enthusiastic, and forward thinking on the net, you're less likely to be dismissed as "to old."
Hi jbannick, well, I think it depends on the individual, it matters more to some than others. I can sometimes talk to one person in their late teens or early 20's, but I don't often enjoy groups where everyone else are teens and i'm the older one. I suppose it's sometimes natural for youngers ones, well kids really, to try and actolder than they reallly are, if there are noone else their age to talk to, so they try to seem older in order to have people to talk to, but when older people don't want to refveal their age, or try to seem or act younger so people who are younger will talk to them, it seems a bit desperate. I've found my age to be very usefull in getting teenage boys, at least the not so nice ones to leave me alone. I find it a wonderful test. for example, if i'm taking to anyone in their late teens or early 20's and tell them I'm 48 years old and will soon be 49, and i never hear from them again, that tels me all I need to kow, but if on the other hand, i tell them my age, and they still talk to me, then they're just mostly nice, and just looking for anyone to talk to no matter what age.
wonderwoman
wow must this girl put exclamation points after every sentence!!! like wow! and yeah i could pretty much talk to people of all ages and be fine, on and offline...
Jbannick what you say makes a lot of sense.
I especially like your lead sentence "Experience indicates that your calendar age matters less on the net than it does in person. And that your behavioral age matters more on the net than it
does in person."
Now, that's a scary thought.
Bob
Then there's our own perception of age to deal with.
To me, a person in her 40's is a kid (no pejorative.)
And I'm only 10 years older.
But my closest friends are in their 60's and 70's.
And they laugh when I complain about aches and pains.
Makes setting one's own reference point challenging.
Interesting though, the comments on how to use age on the net as a tool.
Before we start thinking that we are inferior because of our age in this computer based world, here's some things to think of:
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while
they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't
get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs
covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when
we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster
seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with
sugar, but we weren't overweight because,
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride
down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into
the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all,
no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or
CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat
rooms........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks
and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not
put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or
rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't
had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
Our generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them...CONGRATULATIONS!
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't
it?!
Bob
Bob,
That last post was so cool I printed it for our house.
Thanks
You are quite welcome.
I got it in my email from a friend who is a backward looking fascist pig (in other words, he's a republican) and it had some government propaganda at the end, which I saved my friends on this board from having to read.
If you'd like, I can check to see if I still have the email and post the unexpergated version here.
I'm glad you liked it.
Bob
Bob,
I think our politics might match. How do you survive Texas?
And can people determine on the net if one is an old liberal?
I've always had friends of all ages in the big world. I do think I stand out like a sore thumb a lot more in on-line spaces because I just plain talk differently than the younger generation. I will use common abbreviations and smilies and such but I tend to write in sentences and if I tried to be part of the flow of chat like the quick notes on this board I know what I do sounds forced and uncomfortable.
the big change in my life that I talk about proudly and incessently is adopting a teen-age daughter. She's been with me about 14 months now and having her has change dmy relationship to age a lot. On the one hand, it's made me older. I have always looked and sounded about ten or fifteen years younger than my chronological age. I've never been able to pull off an ounce of sophistication and that contributes to the young impression. Ironically, my hair really did start turning grey this year and I feel like I deserve every one of them. but people in their thirties tend to think of me as a peer. Well, people in their late teens definitely know I'm old. Not in a bad way, but they speak to me respectfully, call me ma'am, etc.
On the other hand, having her has also broght me closer to really young people. Somewhere along the way I stopped paying attention to popular music and trends and now I feel like I fell into a time warp because that awareness is back. I do tend to impress the young people because I do have good computer skills - better than most of my daughter's friends who had failrly inadequate education due to the rateher poor schooling at the residential placement she lived in where all the kids were either foster kids who didn't have anyplace else to go or kids whose parents couldnt' deal with them for some reason or other - sometimes the problem being with the parents, not the kids. but, anyway, I've been using computers about 27 years and started accessing the internet and email in the mid 90's so I do know things and can do things on a computer they can't. And it blows their midns when i turn off the monitor and pull off information just using a headset. and learning to touch type on a manual tyepwriter means that what I do on a computer keyboard, while slower than I would like, impresses them no end. but it is because of my daughter that I started looking to the newer technology. I would never be able to contact her if I didn't use text messaging but now I love it and introduce as many of my peers to it as are willing. I made a conscious decision at one point to be an observer of the trends rather than a complainer about them. I was on the phone for hours at a time in high school - it was a wired phone with a dial and it didn't go to school with me and I shared the line with the rest of my family who could get on in the middle of a conversation to tell me to hang up. but those limitations existed because of the technology, not because of who I was. I do tend to feel irked when a young person is suddenly talking to someone else in the middle of a conversation with me but I don't say anything about it and really did decide that this is the technology of my daughter's generation and they are the ones who wwil have to set the standards of how it will be used. So I very consciously bought her a cell phone, then a blackberry, and finally the bluetooth headset that means I don't even know when she's picking up a call until the conversation is suddenly not the one we were having. And if I ant her undivided attention I tell her beforehand and if I don't I learn to expect the interruption of the phone.
but all the peripherals aside, while my daughter is not much of a talker, most of her friends are and I have had conversations with some of them that aren't much different from the ones I have with friends my own age. Even the boys. Maybe it's because they have all had pretty hard lives and so even when at their most immature none of them are superficial and they all really have things to talk about. And, although I think her oldest friend is maybe 22 or 23, many of them are parents themselves which isn't always a maturing experience, but it's also not carefree youth. they often lack knowledge about the wider world but lack of knowledge doesn't mean they are uninterested in aquireing it and I find if I am open to learning about their worlds they are just as open to learning about mine. All in all It's truely been a pleasure to have been able to meet many of them but I'm very aware that I am an old person to them.
I'm 24 and usually get along with people 30 and older. the older the better. I sometimes find it difficult to get along with people my own age and especially younger people. There are alot of things that 20-somethings (not all of course) do that I think the net really brings out that otherwise might not be so obvious. One of these is lack of spelling and grammar. IAnother is that, especially on programs like msn messanger, some feel the need to constantly message me. every time I get online and many talk about the same stuff, (say one's into computers, another's into sex another likes technology and so on) though I'm very guilty of that myself I also find that on as well as offline, we tend to not have as much in common. I may not be able to relate to an older person's experiences as far as health, and though I could sympathise, I don't have my own children, or grandchildren but when I try to talk to younger people about things like music or television, we're on totally different wave lengths most of the time.
I fear I'll be one of those old ladies that don't realize they have aged. Until of coarse people point it out by accident lol. I Don't really feel old and I'm going to be 30 something or um I mean 29 again smile. I was talking to some one on here and they asked how old are you and my reply was old and they asked how old So I said I'm 35, they replied oh don't feel bad my mom is 2 years older than you. I thought lmao Omg I'm old enough to have a 17 year old or older. I hadn't realized that as I've never had a child of my own to measure age with. I have melody but I adopted her so doesn't necessarily say how old one is as you can adopt a 17 year old and only be in your 20's. I think the fact I don't realize my age makes it easy for me to talk to all ages.
*sigh * where to start first...
Well I love to talk to peopl eabout my age.. and I being 29 that's hard to find. Usually people who wanna talk to me are younger like sixteenish... It's rare that you find someone of your age to talk to.. Somoene who's not involved in the topic os sex... I mean don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with it, but thta's not that there is all to talk about. Or how about those people who just say Hi and then nothing else. That gets boring a lot. But I do love the poster's comments on this topic. Very enlightening to me.